A Grand Illusion Page 9

  'Cheer up, my dear. It's much better to start off a marriage with your eyes wide open. That way there'll be no unpleasant shocks waiting for you.'

  'I can't marry him, Mrs Drummond,' Jenna insisted.

  'Nonsense.' She settled herself more comfortably and folded her hands in her lap. 'It's quite obvious you love him.'

  Stiffening, Jenna jerked around to stare hard at her with wounded eyes. 'Is it obvious?' She was shocked. Only a moment ago she had come face to face with it and hated herself for it. But it was still too new—and too absurd.

  'Only to me, my dear. But then I'm partial to my son.' Mrs Drummond patted her hand gently.

  'I can't marry him,' she said desperately, her face whitening. 'It's impossible. Believe me, there are—reasons.'

  'I've heard that love covers a multitude of sins.'

  'Love!' she choked. 'When two people marry, it's the love they have for each other that holds them together. Your son and I haven't got that. If anything, he feels sorry for me because he thinks I can't get a man of my own. He doesn't love me.'

  'Perhaps not yet,' the older woman said quietly. 'But he cares about you and trusts you. That's a start. Maybe in time it will become love.'

  'He's got an overdeveloped sense of responsibility, that's all. I'd only be a burden to him—and an embarrassment.'

  Soft grey eyebrows rose in astonishment. 'Why? Because you have a son?'

  Jenna dropped her face in her hands and her shoulders sagged. The more she talked, the deeper she got. 'It's not only that. Just look at me, Mrs Drummond.' She lifted her ravaged face to the woman. 'I'm not his type at all.'

  'You could be a beautiful girl with the right clothes and cosmetics and haircut,' she said gently. 'And being an unmarried mother is nothing to punish yourself for.'

  'You don't understand. I'm not—' Breathing in sharply, fighting back the words, Jenna shuddered. How could she even begin to explain her innocent involvement in all this? If she told her about Meg, she might try to force Royce to marry Meg instead. They'd take Robbie, and where would that leave her? For ever on the outside looking in? 'I just can't marry him,' she said again.

  'If Royce didn't think you were right for him, I'm sure he wouldn't have asked you. He must feel comfortable with you. Once he told me that's why he never married—he never could find a woman he was comfortable with.'

  'Please—'

  'I don't want to be an interfering mother-in-law, but can't you see he needs you? I was so afraid he'd pick some floozy for a wife. You're so much more than I'd ever hoped for. I can't believe his good taste. You're just the one to make him put his philandering ways behind him.'

  'Oh, Mrs Drummond, I'm the last person in the world to try to exert that kind of influence over him. I'm no good for your family. I've caused trouble between him and Adam already. It would only get worse if I even considered marriage.' There was another brother, Peter, involved, but Jenna couldn't tell her that.

  Mrs Drummond smiled knowingly. 'I think you're trying to paint yourself as quite a scarlet woman, but anyone looking at you could tell you're not promiscuous. A mistake can happen to anyone. Anyway, people are pretty broadminded in this day and age.'

  'I can't marry him—take my word for it. It's just too much to ask!'

  She searched Jenna's stricken face with narrowed eyes that must have seen something else. Then she slowly let out her breath and said very quietly, 'Because Royce insulted you with an offer of money?'

  Jenna's face burned. 'He expected me to agree to it. Expected it! What kind of woman would accept money in return for marriage?'

  'That's exactly what I told him. But you must remember, my dear, he's a businessman first, and the women he's dated up to now have been mercenary. He thought it was the only way to reach you. But you've got integrity and you'll make him see how wrong he is.'

  'He won't see it. I suit his convenience, that's all.'

  'I know you've been offended, but if you can overlook it and simply marry him because you love him, he'll see that there really is a good woman in this world. He'll come to love you. You'll be his salvation.'

  For a long time Jenna just sat there. If only there was some way to get through to Mrs Drummond without hurting her!

  'What else is bothering you, Jennifer? It's not just the matter of his convenience or his offer of payment. You're a practical girl—he told me that much. You're not some blind romantic. Won't you tell me?'

  'It would only hurt you.'

  'I haven't lived all these years without knowing hurt. Tell me what's really stopping you from marrying my son. I'm sure you love him enough to overlook any insult he might have made. What is it? I want you to trust me with the truth. If you're completely honest, whatever it is, I can accept it.'

  Jenna looked at her with tortured eyes. She couldn't come right out with it.

  'Please my dear.'

  She shuddered defeatedly. 'It was my sister Meg who had the baby, not me. I've never known—' her face burned, '—anyway, I'd made a promise to my mother to take care of Meg and when I found out she was pregnant, I felt it was my fault. I'd failed them both. Meg didn't want a baby, but I wouldn't hear of an abortion. I thought once she saw him… held him…' Salty tears stung her eyes. 'But it didn't work out that way. I'm the one who loves him…'

  Mrs Drummond blinked, slightly dazed, searching her face for long seconds. 'How very magnanimous of you, my dear, but why should that cause you such a problem? If you told Royce what you've told me, I'm sure he'd understand. Why, it might even make things easier between you.'

  'No, it wouldn't.'

  Mrs Drummond kept looking at her, frowning, trying to read her closed expression. 'There's something else, isn't there?'

  Jenna's clenched hand was pressed against her mouth and her face was a ghastly white.

  'I want to know, my dear,' she prodded.

  Those ruthlessly probing eyes never left her face and finally, with a short sigh of inevitability, Jenna got to her feet and went to her office to bring back her wallet, flipping through it until she came to a recent picture of Robbie. Handing it to Mrs Drummond, she waited.

  Tilting her head to a questioning angle, the other woman took the picture from her with a small frown, then her eyes widened in a shock of puzzled recognition and her mouth fell open. For a few agonising seconds there was complete silence, then her tortured eyes sought Jenna's. 'He's Royce's son?' she whispered, blanching.

  Jenna shook her head from side to side.

  'Then—Peter's?' The name was torn from her throat. 'Peter's!'

  After a long moment her breath was harshly drawn in and she slowly got to her feet and walked to the wide windows behind her son's desk, staring blindly at the broad panorama of downtown Toronto, her back rigid, her head high. 'I have a grandson,' she said with a ragged catch in her stunned voice, 'and no one told me.'

  'No one else knows.'

  'Peter doesn't know he has a son?' She turned and looked at Jenna in a bewildered daze.

  'Meg never told him she was pregnant. She knew he was married when—when they—And then he went off to Mexico, so he never knew. When Royce saw Robbie, he didn't recognise him.' Jenna drew in her breath in a trembling gulp. 'And I couldn't tell him.'

  'Robbie.' The woman seemed to dwindle as she looked down at the picture she was still holding. 'Was he named after Peter's father?'

  Pain splintered through Jenna when she saw the bright grey eyes fill with tears. 'I wish I could say yes, but no matter how many times I begged Meg to choose a name for him, she refused. I finally chose Robert, for no particular reason.'

  Mrs Drummond smiled sadly, accepting it, and blinked back her tears, refusing to let them fall, drawing herself up to her full height, coming back to face Jenna squarely. 'He would have been proud to know his first grandson carried his name, even if it was unintentional.' Her face softened for just an instant and then she reached for her handbag. 'May I keep this picture?'

  'Of course.'

  'Thank you,'
she whispered, turning swiftly to the door.

  'Wait!' Jenna hesitated. 'What are you going to do?'

  Mrs Drummond stopped but didn't turn around. 'Do?' she said quietly. 'Why, nothing. It's up to you, Jennifer.'

  'You won't tell Royce?'

  'No, I won't tell him. But you'll have to— preferably before you marry him.'

  'But I can't marry him! Don't you see how impossible it is?'

  'Peter's already married. The others are too young. That leaves only Royce.'

  'But it wouldn't be fair to him,' Jenna said, aghast.

  'You should have thought of that before you started pretending to be a mother.'

  Ice shuddered down Jenna's spine and she made a helpless gesture. 'Mrs Drummond! I only told you all this because you asked me to be honest. Can't you see why it's impossible for me to marry him? If Royce—if he—if—he'd know in a minute I'd never had a baby. I thought you'd understand!'

  'I understand I have a grandson who has a right to the Drummond name. Royce has offered it to him.'

  'But I can't let him do that!'

  'Shall I tell him he should marry your sister instead?' An incredulous silence fell between them before Mrs Drummond slowly turned, her face set in cold uncompromising lines. 'Or is she waiting for Peter's marriage to end? If she is, I'm afraid she'll be disappointed. I had a letter from him only last week saying he and Melanie have decided to try again to make to go of it. There's no other alternative. If you call yourself Robbie's mother, you'll have to marry Royce. I won't allow anything like this to interfere in Peter's life now that he's trying to put it back together. I'm sure Royce would agree with me.' Pain and disgust flickered over her face before she turned on her heel and abruptly walked away.

  For almost five minutes after she left, Jenna stood where she was, unable to move or think or feel. And then reaction set in. Everything began to crowd in on her and her whole body began to tremble. She would have fallen if Royce hadn't walked in just then and caught her in his strong arms.

  'What's happened?' he demanded.

  She struggled as all sorts of conflicting emotions chased through her mind. 'Nothing,' she whispered, twisting out of his grasp. She couldn't think this close to him. She had to get away.

  'Don't tell me that. I saw my mother in the hall. She hasn't looked that bad since the day my father died. What went on in here? Good God, I was only gone twenty minutes!'

  Jenna was spared the necessity of answering by the strident ringing of the telephone. Seeing she was in no condition to answer it, Royce set her away from him, turning to his desk, and she made her escape.

  CHAPTER SEVEN

  Jenna knew it was only temporary. Sooner or later Royce had to find out about their nephew. She should have told him a long time ago. All she had done was make it that much more difficult.

  After she had bathed Robbie and put him to bed, she sat in her tiny living room and went over her options. She could tell him the truth. Meg never really wanted Robbie, she heard herself telling him. I only told you he was mine because I love him and I was afraid you'd take him away from me. Besides, I was too proud and I didn't want you to think I was so plain I couldn't have a child of my own. She rejected that explanation at once—it exposed too much.

  She could take Robbie and disappear. That action had merit. But once she thought it through, she saw it was cowardly. She had never run from anything before, and she wouldn't start now. The only way to solve a problem was to meet it head-on.

  She could go ahead and marry Royce and not say anything. Theirs wouldn't be a real marriage anyway. He'd never know. But that was dishonest, and so unfair to him.

  That led her back to her first option. She had to tell him the truth. But what if he took Robbie away from her and married Meg instead? How would she be able to stand it?

  Her head spun and it was several seconds before she realised the ringing in her ears was the doorbell.

  A boy about fifteen years old stood there with a small white envelope in his hand. 'Jenna Caldwell?' he asked with a friendly smile. 'Your sister asked me to give you this.'

  She closed the door for a second to release the chain lock before opening it again. 'Thank you,' she murmured with a slight frown, turning the envelope over and over in her hands.

  'That's okay. She gave me ten dollars to make sure you got it tonight,' he said over his shoulder, turning to leave.

  Jenna stared at his retreating back, then gasped slightly when she saw him stand aside to let two people pass him on the stairway. Mrs Drummond was on her way up, followed by Royce.

  Her first impulse was to slam the door, but she realised how childish that would be. A feeling of inevitability washed over her as she stepped aside to let them into her flat without a word.

  Royce nodded and looked quickly around before crossing to Robbie's bedroom. He silently pushed the door open as if looking for something, then came back to where his mother and Jenna was standing. 'You were wrong, Mother. He's sleeping and nothing's out of place. Now will you tell me why you thought she'd have disappeared tonight?'

  Mrs Drummond sank down on a chair and fidgeted with her handbag, not looking at either of them. 'I'm glad I was wrong,' she whispered, staring blindly at the floor.

  He ran a distracted hand through his hair. 'I'm sorry, Jennifer—I don't know what this is all about. My mother thought you and your baby would be gone when we got here.'

  'Wishing she hadn't thought so badly of her, Jenna turned away, mangling the envelope in her hand.

  He looked at it pointedly. 'Is that some kind of bad news? You're as white as a sheet.'

  Blinking, she looked down at her twisting fingers. 'Oh,' she said softly, 'I don't know. It's from Meg. I haven't read it yet. Er—sit down, won't you? May I get you some coffee? Or tea?'

  'No, thanks. Read your letter or whatever it is, then we'll clear up this great mystery between you and my mother.'

  Jenna hesitated only a second, then tore it open. Meg's handwriting was bold and forceful and not a word was wasted.

  Married Carlo Borchini this morning. Honeymooning in Italy.

  Meg

  A slight gasp stopped in the middle of her throat, then all the breath went out of her. She just stood there not moving. Would her mother consider this her final failure?

  Royce took the note from her unresisting fingers, frowning at her stricken face. 'May I?' He read it quickly, then tipped his head back, laughing silently at the ceiling. 'She told me she was going to marry money!' His soft chuckle became a laugh, then he slapped his hand against his thigh and let out a whoop. 'She knew she was wasting her time with me. I told her I was going to marry you, so she had to turn around and show me it didn't matter. Well, good luck, Carlo, old boy. You're going to need it!'

  'You told Meg?' Jenna gasped—and almost against her will she turned to look at Mrs Drummond.

  The woman's head slowly lifted and a tense silence filled the space between them.

  Royce couldn't read their faces and his smile faded. 'Yes, I told her. And she did exactly what I thought she'd do.' His lip curled. 'She's jealous of you, Jennifer. Did you know that? As beautiful as she is, she's jealous. And vindictive. She ranted and raved and even tried to tell me some story about your son not really being yours. Can you beat that?'

  Her heart stopped and she dragged her eyes away from Mrs Drummond back to him. This is it, she thought, staring at his handsome face with the deep grooves slashing the sides of his mouth. I've lost him.

  'Rubbish!' Mrs Drummond snapped, coming to stand close to her son. 'You didn't believe her?'

  'I knew it was just her jealousy talking.'

  'Well, good for you. I wouldn't have credited you with that much discernment.' At the surprised lift of his eyebrows, she went on, 'You're singularly obtuse when it comes to Jennifer. But never mind that. What else did Meg say about the child?'

  'I wouldn't let her say anything else. Her raving turned into tears, and you know how much I like that. I left as fast as I could.
'

  Jenna watched Mrs Drummond's face crease into an almost triumphant smile and she felt a painful twisting in the middle of her chest, but she braced herself. It was all going to come out now. It had to.

  She was trembling uncontrollably, but Mrs Drummond took her ice-cold hands in hers and looked deeply into her eyes, willing her to find the strength she needed. 'If you don't mind, I'll make some coffee while you explain things to Royce.' She crushed a piece of paper in her hands. 'Use this if you can't find the words.'

  Jenna lowered her gaze and saw a document of some kind—and then her heart lurched when she realised it was Robbie's birth certificate. Turning the paper over and over in her hands, she felt cold and numb and close to tears. It was force of habit that made her blink back the stinging shimmer. She never cried. She wouldn't start now.

  Royce was watching her curiously. He saw her pallor, her struggle to control the sudden bright moisture rushing to her eyes. 'Jennifer, is something wrong?'

  Pulling herself together, she lifted her chin and faced him squarely as Mrs Drummond disappeared into the kitchen. 'I'm sorry if all this seems a little melodramatic, but I simply didn't know how to tell you. This afternoon I told your mother why I couldn't marry you, but she didn't want to accept my reasons.' It all came out in a rush, and then her voice faltered and she lost her nerve. Her throat closed up and she couldn't go on. Handing Royce the certificate, she let him read it for himself.

  What struck her first was his stillness, then the greyness of his face and the trembling of his bunching fists.

  'Oh, my God!' he choked in a dying whisper, before his hand came up as if he would strike her.

  Without flinching, she stood there, waiting for the blow. It was all she deserved.

  'Don't you dare hit a woman, Royce Drummond!' His mother's voice came from the doorway, firm and clear and decisive. 'I raised you better than that.'

  'You knew! He's Peter's son and you didn't tell me!'

  'It wasn't my place to tell you.'

  A bitter hatred flashed across his face before he turned away, his features hardening into cold implacable granite. 'He always talked about Meg being so beautiful. I could have understood if he—' His eyes sought Jenna's, pinning her with a savage grey glitter. 'But you? What did he ever see in you?'